Let Go of That Ego

I saw him walking slowly towards the building as I pulled into a parking spot. I noticed his labored gate and bent over stance. As I approached him I decided I’d do something kind this morning to brighten his day and open the door for him. I noticed his hands were full and he was breathing heavily as I passed him heading to the door. I hurried ahead, opened the door, stood aside, and waited. Once he got within hearing range, I grinned, and gave him a jolly “Hello!”. He glanced at me as he continued to walk through the threshold. He said nothing.

The Shock

I got absolutely nothing! Immediately my mind started racing, trying to process this unexpected reaction to my gracious gesture. I was so confused. What had just happened? I thought maybe he didn’t hear me. That had to be it. Surely he didn’t just walk through and say nothing. Did he expect me to hold the door open and did he not care?

I must try this again just to be sure so I followed closely behind him, as we both headed towards the second set of doors. I quickly passed by him, the whole time in my head thinking, “Here I am sir, the girl who just helped you out. Sir!!!” But not a squeak from me out loud. I grabbed the second door and this time I stood inside where he had little room for avoidance. Once again he never broke his pace, walked past me and turned left. Nothing.

The Melt Down

My initial reaction was to say “You’re welcome” out loud. But then I caught myself and kept walking to my office. I laughed internally because this was just too funny. I mean didn’t he know better? Did his parents not teach him courtesy? Who walks through a door held for them twice and not at least nod their head in gratitude? Then I thought maybe his parents didn’t teach him that or maybe he really just didn’t give a hoot. But the even more daunting question was, why did I care? What was it that I was looking for?

All the assumptions I made in those few minutes like; I’d brighten his day by opening the door or that he was having a bad day due to his slow stroll into the office. The best one is that I had assumed that he would be grateful for this gesture and that this action, he didn’t ask for, was doing something for him. By the time I walked through my office door I was on the verge of outwardly cracking up. Why in the world was I looking for anything from this total stranger? Did I do a kind gesture for him or for me?

The Reality Check

I let all of it go but was hit with it again when I ran into him strolling through our office. Now note I had never seen him in our area. But today he was that elephant in the room. I wanted to tell him “You know it’s really rude to just walk through an open door and not say something.” But once again I caught myself. Why did I care?

It wasn’t until after lunch that I had my AHA moment. It hit my like a car door on a windy Oklahoma day. My ego needed to be validated. I was feeling good that morning and when I saw this guy, I figured he needed my help so I would give it. But I gave from a place of feeling unworthy versus just doing it without all the “why” chatter. I opened the door looking for a “Thank you” versus opening to help a fellow out. When I didn’t get that expected feedback I was thrown off. The thing is I should have been asking myself why I had the nerve to expect anything in the first place.

The Ego Check

The ego at times can be a force to be reckoned with. If left at its will it can cause quite a bit of turmoil in what could be a perfectly inspirational day. That need to be validated by something outside of ourselves is that pesky lil ego. It needs to feel important, be acknowledged, and is easily offended. But most of all, it needs to be needed. My assumption that I was going to “change” his day was my ego talking. In reality I had absolutely no idea how this gentleman’s day was going. I made a judgement call with limited data and as a result I got an ego check. I’m still laughing because, by the forces of nature, I encountered him on more than once occasion as an obvious reminder to “LET GO OF THAT EGO!”

The Lesson Learned

The biggest take away is to be grateful for the lessons. This could have gone real bad, attitude gone awry, confrontation, spiraling into thought processes that stem from the past, etc. But instead I walked away with a lesson in letting go and processing situations in the moment, not based on fears or yesterday.

The cool factor was I got another chance to do better. I was able to speak to this gentlemen from a “clean slate” the last day of the work week when I ran into him walking through the office looking like a deer caught in headlights. I smiled and asked if he was looking for someone. He responded with a “Yes.” and “She’s obviously not here.” I confirmed and offered a genuine “She’s here and will be back soon. I can let her know you came by or you can come back a little later.” He responded with a “Thanks.” He smiled, I smiled and we went our separate ways. I never caught his name and I’m not sure when we’ll run into each other again. But I’m grateful for the experience I gained from our encounter. All is good when we learn to let go. Thanks Dear Sir.

With Love,

Keela